The differences between human cultures are perhaps most starkly seen in the way that they deal with the deaths of loved ones.
The differences between human cultures are perhaps most starkly seen in the way that they deal with the deaths of loved ones.
I have recently experienced these rites in Bahrain as one of our key contacts in the Ministry died suddenly, and I attended his memorial service, and the father of one of our staff also died.
My experience in South Africa is that a memorial service is the celebration of a life rather than the mourning of a death.
At my grandfather’s funeral I can remember my father and his brothers laughing uproariously as they recounted adventures they shared with their dad.
My father’s service was quieter but still filled with humour and reminiscences. A memorial service in Bahrain has a very different character – it is distinctly morose if not Eeyorish.
For three days after the death the close relatives gather and receive guests (with the men and women in different locations). The guests are expected to be very quiet, essentially completely silent, when they visit, although a few hushed words may be exchanged.
After her husband’s death the wife is expected to remain in her home for a full year without leaving. If necessary, she resigns her job to do so. If a wife dies, the husband is not constrained by any house-bound rules although he is allowed by law to take three day’s compassionate leave.
After the death of their father, daughters are allowed to take one month’s paid compassionate leave and two month’s unpaid compassionate leave and they normally stay with their mother during that time.
Furthermore, they are not expected to attend any celebratory events, such as birthday parties, weddings, baby showers, exhibition openings, etc., for a full year after his death.
No such constraint applies to the sons.
After his wife’s death, a man may remarry immediately and, in this polygamous society, may take up to four wives (if he can afford them!). It would not, however, be socially acceptable for the wife to remarry for at least three months.
Interestingly from the ‘genetic bottlenecking’ point of view, it is not uncommon, and perfectly acceptable legally, for a widowed wife, especially if she is young, to remarry her ex-husband’s brother (or one of his closest friends).
In fact, the brother (or friend) may even regard it as his moral responsibility to marry his sister-in-law in order to assist with the raising of the children.
It is not for us to judge who is right or wrong but it is interesting to compare cultures.
