Forget John Gray and his self-help mantra that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. The American comedian Jerry Seinfeld has a much better metaphor: Men’s bodies are rough and rugged — for getting around, “like a Jeep”, while women’s bodies are sensual works of art to be admired.
Forget John Gray and his self-help mantra that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. The American comedian Jerry Seinfeld has a much better metaphor: Men’s bodies are rough and rugged — for getting around, “like a Jeep”, while women’s bodies are sensual works of art to be admired.
I’ve had the full measure of that metaphor for the past week, after I was left in charge of a 14-month-old child (or, put another way, when a 14-month-old child was left in charge of me). I’ve aged 10 years and am considering shaving my head and moving. And I think the little girl hates me!
Let it be told on the mountains — and to the uninitiated — that men should worship at the feet of any woman who chooses to have a child, and who follows though by looking after that little one. Sure, men often chip in with school runs, chess and swimming lessons and taking the child along to Pick n Pay.
That’s the fun part of parenting and might help explain why younger children often prefer their dads to the mothers. The real work is in preparing those bland baby meals, the bath, Cerelac, milk, afternoon nap, fruit, exercise, milk and bedtime, waking-up-at-night routine — and then doing it all over again.
It’s often the mothers who set up these dizzying timetables, before following through on each item, as we find excuses for not waking up to warm the bottle (“I gotta work tomorrow!”) It’s the mothers who rarely foam at the mouth when a child cries.
Men are engineered to ask what’s wrong, following up with a touch of irritation when a one-year-old fails to answer such a tough question. We assume the worst (“has she got cancer?”) when a child screams. We let them snooze for an extra hour even when we’ve been told that routine (read 07h00hrs) is important.
We let them linger in the bath because we enjoy seeing them eating soap; and allow them to have their meals as they scamper around the house, breaking stuff and tearing borrowed books. ‘Tis fun being a modern father. But I reckon motherhood hasn’t changed much since after the Big Bang.
It’s women who carry that ungainly load for nine months; they who scream for Pethidine and epidurals during labour; they who get nipple sores during breast-feeding; they who do most of the night duty; and finally they who get so attached to their babies they often suffer what psychologists refer to as Separation Anxiety.
Women do all that and have normal lives that include going to work. It’s mothers who give the most meaning to children. If like me, your father was like an ATM (P.I.N. in, cash out), you get the drift. That’s why there are so many songs dedicated to motherhood, and why folklore is filled with military generals (remember Shaka?) who go crazy when their mothers pass on.
The animal kingdom also has interesting examples of our different parenting styles. A lioness will fight to the death to protect her cubs, while the big boy is inclined to kill any cubs that are not his in order to induce oestrous, so he can have sex with the lioness.
Can you tell the difference between the caveman and the lions in Kruger Park? Because I can’t. Sim has finally confirmed a long-held suspicion that women are better than men in most respects that matter.
