Here in Grahamstown, we love the Arts Festival. The culture, the escapism, the personalities, the buzz and, naturally, the sugar-coated pecan nut stand. However, we also loathe it, from the deepest pits of our hearts.

Here in Grahamstown, we love the Arts Festival. The culture, the escapism, the personalities, the buzz and, naturally, the sugar-coated pecan nut stand. However, we also loathe it, from the deepest pits of our hearts.

Grahamstown has a population of around 91 000 people. During fest, we have an influx of more than 200 000 visitors, in a town that's only 34 square kilometres small. It's more than double what we're used to, and our roads barely manage to contain us for the other 50-and-a-half weeks in the year.

Foot traffic isn't the bother – the real problem lies in cars with exotic license plates (beginning with CA and ending in GP) that get lost trying to find the Village Green. They crawl at 3km/h down Prince Alfred Street, holding up the other gazillion foreign cars trying to make it to their respective shows on time, and use their SUVs' heightened ride to park on the pavements and cause all sorts of pandemonium.

So, working together, let's save everyone's stress and a few polar bears while we're at it. This fest, try ditch the Benz at the BB and opt for foot-power instead. As mentioned above, Grahamstown covers only 34 square kilometres, so even though the map at the back of your programme makes it look like a pretty sizeable area, it isn't that bad.

Walking from Rhodes Campus up to Kingswood is quite a pleasant stroll, and you get to meander past Fiddler's Green and ample other Kodak moments that you might miss if you are meekly hooting at the immovable mound of traffic on African Street.

Another downside to driving is that while you might actually make it through the tangle of family hatchbacks, there is no parking in Grahamstown. So say you do manage to beat the lost souls through our CBD and make it with five minutes to spare, you'll still be late because you'll have to park next to some grazing nguni in an abandoned field three blocks away in any case.

Word of warning, our traffic cops are no push-overs. A daring park in a delivery zone is tempting fate in a big way. A good plan would be to take your driver's license where ever you go and stay away from yellow lines.

Admittedly some walks are not as desirable as others, such as the trek up to the Monument. While it might leave you with a well-toned gluteus maximus, the novelty can wear off.

Luckily, Festival has a system that works, in the form of the Hopper buses. Essentially, they are quick-trip taxis for around town, where one trip costs you R5 and the stop points are a maximum five-minute walk from each venue.

Your trusty map in the programme outlines the Hopper's routes and their stops. These are marked by dark-brown benches with Standard Bank Jazz Festival sponsor signs on them. Their evening runs aren't as frequent, so perhaps don't rely on them as your guaranteed sober lift home from Long Table.

With all this in mind, I hope your transport needs are fully met at this year's Festival. Hitching rides from fellow festival-goers and jumping on the odd donkey cart or two are all part of the Grahamstown Festival experience. Oh, and the sugar-coated pecan nuts.

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