I have a confession to make: before this year I had never watched a game of rugby. I couldn’t name a single Springbok. I thought a fly-half was the only thing worse to find in your soup than a whole fly. All of this is because I was born with a terrible affliction – Canadian citizenship. In the Great White North we’re too busy watching ice hockey and trying to convince people that Justin Bieber is American to have time for a sport that doesn’t allow forward passing. Fortunately, since my arrival in South Africa, I have had an opportunity to learn the finer points of the game, and have developed a sincere appreciation for the beautiful savagery, skill, and passion that makes rugby what it is. Now, with the 2011 Rugby World Cup just around the corner, I thought I would share what I’ve learned, so that other neophytes can enjoy this hooligan’s sport played by gentlemen as much as I do.
I have a confession to make: before this year I had never watched a game of rugby. I couldn’t name a single Springbok. I thought a fly-half was the only thing worse to find in your soup than a whole fly. All of this is because I was born with a terrible affliction – Canadian citizenship. In the Great White North we’re too busy watching ice hockey and trying to convince people that Justin Bieber is American to have time for a sport that doesn’t allow forward passing. Fortunately, since my arrival in South Africa, I have had an opportunity to learn the finer points of the game, and have developed a sincere appreciation for the beautiful savagery, skill, and passion that makes rugby what it is. Now, with the 2011 Rugby World Cup just around the corner, I thought I would share what I’ve learned, so that other neophytes can enjoy this hooligan’s sport played by gentlemen as much as I do.
The rules
The basics of rugby are easy enough to grasp; don’t pass the ball forward, a player must release the ball once he has been tackled, and on no account is anyone to punch someone on the opposing team in the face until the referee has turned his back. Beyond this there are some surprisingly nuanced regulations for a game that involves grown men lifting each other in the air by their shorts. Luckily for us newbies, nobody else around you really knows what they are either. A good rule of thumb is that if the player is wearing a green jersey with gold piping, it’s a clean play, but if the player is wearing a uniform which is, for example, entirely black, then of course that was a foul you blind and stupid referee! (Your neighbours at the bar will be very helpful in suggesting appropriate words to use here.)
Scoring
There are three ways to score points in rugby. At any point during the game a player may deliberately drop the ball and, as it bounces off the grass, attempt to kick it through the upright posts at the end of the opponent’s half of the field. If the kick successfully goes between the posts and over the crossbar, this counts as three points. If the kick goes wide of the posts or does not clear the crossbar, everyone will mutter about how the player who missed is a national disgrace and isn’t fit to play rugby for a school third team.
When a referee spots a rule infraction deemed to be dangerous play, he will award a penalty kick. If the kick is awarded close enough to the goal posts, the team may chose to place the ball on a tee and attempt to kick it through. If this is successful, three points are awarded. If the kick is unsuccessful, someone at the back of the room will begin to talk loudly about how he used to be able to kick 60 metre penalties and if he hadn’t had a freak knee injury he’d be professional by now.
The final, most exciting way to score in rugby is to run the ball across the line at the end of the opponent’s half, and touch it to the ground. This is called a ‘try’, and is worth five points. After a try is scored, the ball is taken back to a point in line with where it was touched down, and a ‘conversion’ kick is attempted for an additional two points. It is highly inadvisable to make puns about ‘trying’ for a ‘try’, particularly in the last minutes of a close game. Should you attempt this, expect to learn what it feels like to ‘try’ and breathe after someone has punched you very hard in the stomach.
Gameplay
The game of rugby has many different elements. Some of the most common include the ‘scrum’, where a pack of players from each team bunches together and tries to push the other team off the ball, the ‘maul’, where a group of players from one team bands together and tries to push one of their own players carrying the ball through a group of the other team, and the ‘ruck’, where an assembly of players from each team gets together and tries to push the other team off a player who has been tackled while carrying the ball. It is this diversity of options that makes rugby such an exciting game to watch.
Another important moment is the line-out. When the ball or ball carrier has gone off the side of the pitch, teams line up opposite each other and a player from one team throws the ball in. A receiver from each team is lifted by his teammates and contests for the ball in the air. This is a challenging job, as the receiver must concentrate on cleanly fielding the ball and delivering it to his teammates while resisting the urge to think ‘wheeee!’ as he is hoisted almost two metres into the air.
You should now know everything you need to enjoy the upcoming World Cup. Just remember that it’s not how much you know that counts, it’s how loudly you yell it at the television.
