As with all things in life, nothing is forever. Friendships come and go and relationships break down, sometimes in spite of our best efforts. Managing relationships- whether friendly, romantic or otherwise- can be a common problem for people of all ages.
As with all things in life, nothing is forever. Friendships come and go and relationships break down, sometimes in spite of our best efforts. Managing relationships- whether friendly, romantic or otherwise- can be a common problem for people of all ages.
It is these breakdowns in relationship management that Lisl Foss, a counselling psychologist from the Rhodes Counselling Centre, finds to be common among many visitors to the centre, especially among younger Rhodes students.
Foss says that young students, fresh out of school and out from under their parent’s watchful eye for the first time in their life, enter into a developmental stage when it is appropriate to explore more serious romantic relationships.
According to Foss, those who come to the Counselling Centre for relationship advice are primarily female because of the way they are often differently socialised in their lives.
Foss says that boys often focus on doing and achieving things while girls focus on building relationships, although this is not strictly true and exceptions to the rule do exist.
Foss says that failures in communication are a main contributing factor to many broken relationships. She says that when communication breaks down, “one can sometimes feel stuck in a relationship and don’t know how to proceed.”
It is this helplessness that Foss tries to combat through a relationship counselling group hosted by the counselling centre. Held biannually for the last two years, Foss says the number of applicants has grown each year to the point that two groups are now needed to cater for everyone.
For a relationship to survive, Foss says people need to develop skills in conflict resolution and assertiveness and must also understand expectations and the role they play in relationships.
Furthermore Foss says people need to know how to identify a toxic relationship and how to get out if necessary.
Foss says that it is important to understand that problems in a relationship are normal. “It is through relationship difficulties that we come to know ourselves, differences in a relationship can be a good sign as they often come about when relationships are growing.”
The Rhodes Counselling Centre is located on the top floor of the Bantu Steven Biko building. Their services are available to all students free of charge every weekday between 8am and 5pm.
