What do we really think about doctors? Well, we usually have extreme views of our favourite and worst family doctor or dentist.
What do we really think about doctors? Well, we usually have extreme views of our favourite and worst family doctor or dentist.
Because small towns like Grahamstown can ill afford specialists like gynaecologists, paediatricians, oncologists and physicians, most of our doctors specialise in family medicine (so they can treat all-comers and refer the worst cases to Port Elizabeth).
We call them all doctors, because they are. Some might be uneasy with calling the holders of PhDs doctors (instead of Jane Doe, PhD), but we generally let this slide too, especially in academic circles.
To be fair, there’s probably nothing like a ‘doctor’ who can’t prescribe you a course of antibiotics. Then there’s the Honorary Doctorate.
They’re a real laugh. Imagine Jonathan Shapiro (who received a Doctor of Law, honoris causa from Rhodes University in 2008) signing his cartoons as “Dr Zapiro”. That would be just wrong.
As would Nelson Mandela unleashing the 20-plus such titles he has received since 1990: Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela.
If you do any shopping, you’ve perhaps been offered a flyer or three urging you to see a “doctor” whose name you often can’t pronounce.
They usually hail from the Great Lakes region (DR Congo, Burundi, Uganda or Zanzibar). They seem to be masters of the universe in that they claim they can cure most anything from STDs and Aids; women who cannot have babies; vaginal discharge and pregnancy problems.
Do you want to get married to someone you love? Bring back your lost lover in 12 hours? Chase away tolokoshe and protect your home?
Having seen the range of problems these geniuses can deal with, it’s only fair to call them doctors, isn’t it? We should not really throw stones at them.
What they’re selling is hope. After all, if you have no hope, you die. If you have no dreams, you can’t have your dreams come true.
Someone with terminal cancer or fullblown Aids probably wants to imagine that they could beat the odds. All human beings – well most of us anyway –would much prefer to live than to die.
Indeed, the fear of death might explain why most people swear and blaspheme when they trip and fall or hurtle down a flight of stairs.
So if a medical doctor tells you that you have six months to live and Dr Kunjani down the street says he can guarantee you will live till you are 100, you might be tempted to check out the latter.
That’s just the way human beings are engineered. That does not mean we should call our friends doctors, however. It might also help to consult them with your eyes wide shut, if you’re ever tempted.
In any case, anyone with even rudimentary chemistry might be able to concoct something for a rough skin while speaking in tongues and pointing a finger at the gods.
What should get your goat up is when Dr Who promises you a job promotion. Unless the makebelieve doctor is also your real-life boss.
• Sim lists doctors as his favourite professionals. The real doctors!
