I’m sure you must know him fairly well by now. He’s the strapping young leopard, complete with green dreadlocks and soccer ball-shaped spots.

Yes, it’s Zakumi, the 2010 Fifa World Cup mascot. Just like you and me, Zakumi has a life story. Brace yourselves, it’s the picture of perfection and political correctness.

I’m sure you must know him fairly well by now. He’s the strapping young leopard, complete with green dreadlocks and soccer ball-shaped spots.

Yes, it’s Zakumi, the 2010 Fifa World Cup mascot. Just like you and me, Zakumi has a life story. Brace yourselves, it’s the picture of perfection and political correctness.

The stars were all accurately aligned and everything: he was born on 16 June, 1994. Which means he’s  celebrating his 16th birthday this year. His name is broken up into two parts.

The ‘Za’ stands for the international abbreviation for South Africa, and ‘kumi’ means ten in various languages across the continent.

The World Cup mascot tradition started out in 1966 to bring a “fun aspect” to the overall event. Although it is not very clear as to why 1966 should be the year of the first mascot, it was however, the year that marked the centenary of the standardisation of football in England.

The mascot to kick it off was World Cup Willie, a lion strutting his stuff in a Union Jack jersey. Needless to say, the tournament was held in the United Kingdom that year.

Other off the wall mascots include a jalapeño pepper named Pique who wears a sombrero (Mexico 1986); Ciao, a tricolour stick figure complete with a soccer ball head (Italy 1990); a puppy named Striker in a red, white and blue soccer kit (US 1994) and a very proud blue rooster called Footix (France 1998).

I obviously cannot speak for the larger population, but I don’t feel any fuzzy feelings when I see Zakumi on television, on the internet, in newspapers. Not an inkling of patriotism in me, perhaps?

A chap by the name of Andries Odendaal is the mastermind behind Zakumi. He’s a Cape Town-based new  media designer and developer who is apparently well-known internationally in the web design world. So in  short he knows his stuff.

I’d like to think he hit a stumbling block in the creation of our little man Zakumi. What we needed perhaps, was something a little more inspiring, something which would evoke good happy  feelings inside which make us as a nation positively fall all over ourselves with pride? Something with a little  more meaning behind it.

I’m inclined to think that we should’ve just scrapped the mascot idea altogether. At Zakumi’s unveiling ceremony, Fifa secretary general, Jérôme Valcke said the following: “Zakumi  represents the people, geography and spirit of South Africa, personifying in essence the 2010 Fifa World Cup.”

And he was serious. How did he even say such a things with a straight face? Good thing I wasn’t saying those words.

I would have been kicked off the stage by the dignitaries who actually think that Zakumi is the best thing that has happened in the mascot world.

In what way is a leopard with green hair the essence of South Africa, let alone the World Cup?

And another thing, I don’t feel that Zakumi  represents me in any way whatsoever! You are wrong Mr Valke. The more I think about it, the more stuck I am on ideas of the perfect mascot.

What could ever be good enough to exemplify all the cultures and colours and preferences that co-exist in South Africa?

A shwe-shwe wearing blue crane? A shosholoza singing lion? An impala, braai tongs in hand? Or if we really let ourselves run away with our imaginations, a mealie cob dancing around with a spear and shield.

I think one that would’ve really drawn the crowds is perhaps a friendly elephant trumpeting the national anthem while serving stew and dumplings (ujeqe) to tourists. What about our flag?

Fly it high and it does the job of patriotism while signaling to the world that we are South African. Proudly. Yes, it’s a boring idea but let’s weigh our options here.

Freaky Zakumi who has nothing to do with the price of bread. Our flag has been a part of our lives for many many years and actually means something to us.

Maybe even using the flag in a clever way, re-inventing it like the designers of the logo did with the figure of a Khoi- San man kicking the ball.

Whether you loathe Zakumi or not, his  big fluffy green-haired self is still in our midst and I’ll just have to grin and bear it when he comes marching  in. I’ll just have to close my eyes and wait for him to disappear off the screen. 

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