By SHANNON SKAE, Health and life coach at Revive with Shan
Many of us will have to endure the ending of a romantic relationship, a breaking up of something that once brought us joy.
This article is my guide on how to get over it. It is not a perfect plan, and to be honest, I am busy making my way through this experience, going through the ending of a “situationship.” I have not quite figured out the process myself, but this is my attempt to help others to hopefully not feel so alone.
Let us admit this upfront; breakups are difficult. You may experience physical aches, itchy fingers to message, phone or contact your ex, and constant thoughts about them and continuous thoughts about whether you were good enough.
No matter why or how the breakup happened, whether amicable or one-sided, it is not an easy process. A one-sided breakup, especially if you were broken up with, can be difficult. It may seem like the other person doesn’t care about you, even though they are probably going through their own experience at this ending.
In my case, my friends have repeatedly told me not to message, call or contact him, which makes me want to do so even more. But they are my friends for a reason, so I do think they have a point.
This leads me to some tips that I have found helpful:
- Cut contact with the person: If you need to, unfollow or block them on all social media platforms, and if you slip up and message, archive the chat so you cannot view their reply. If you do slip up, try to remember you are human.
- Physical distance: Try to stay away from the person, especially if they begin seeing someone else. Avoid unnecessary painful meetups.
- Give yourself space: Use the time to feel your emotions. A friend said to me to ride with the pain. Hold hands with the upsetting feelings and go through them rather than suppress them.
- Distract yourself: Try to keep busy by doing things that are important to you and bring you joy.
- Talk to your friends: They usually have your best interests at heart and tend to make you feel better.
- Give it time: The first few weeks will be the hardest, but time is your friend.
- Take care of yourself: Get sleep, eat well and exercise. This will help lift your mood. Put your energy back into yourself – you placed so much of your time and energy into them. Do some self-care, such as facials, getting your nails done, and doing your hair.
- Medication: If you are experiencing distress, reach out to your doctor about exploring anxiety-soothing medication.
- Do not abuse substances: Try not to use alcohol and drugs to numb the pain. These are temporary fixes and will not solve the underlying pain.
- Journal: Write down your thoughts and feelings and any other stuff you need to regarding your relationship.
- Don’t rebound: Try not to jump straight into another relationship; give yourself time to find peace within yourself first.
- Let go of the idea of closure: The relationship ending means that it has closed, and you must move on.
There is no hard and fast way to put yourself back together after a breakup, precisely because you are not broken. The person was not right for you, and accepting that you are better off without someone who may not have seen your value or have been a good fit for you will help you go a long way in your healing process.
It is much better to be alone than with someone who does not see your worth or is not a good fit for you.