Identity has always been a challenging concept for me. I’ve never felt comfortable with describing mine.
Identity has always been a challenging concept for me. I’ve never felt comfortable with describing mine.
Marrying Black Girls for Guys who aren’t Black
Written by Hagen Engler
First published by MFBooks Joburg, an imprint of Jacana Media
ISBN: 978-1-920601-28-7
Price: R 182.40 on the Jacana Media website
Rating: 3/5
I cringe when confronted with those three words. “Who am I?”
For Old Rhodian and outspoken South African author Hagen Engler identity is constantly evolving, a concept he comes to grips with in his hot-off-the-press book, Marrying black girls for guys who aren’t black.
In it he recounts his experiences of marrying his black wife and realising that, despite his best efforts, he’s still a racist.
As I read the first few pages of his book I thought to myself, well, here’s a South African man who is acutely aware of how being white shapes his identity.
I was put off.
But as the book progresses his anecdotes, political discourse and humour offer insights into some big concepts.
Engler struggles with global debates – does race really exist once a person makes peace with their skin colour, or is it culture that distinguishes us and binds us together?
He takes a refreshing look at language, culture and music, describes the latter as one of the most powerful cultural signifiers know to humankind.
He marries his thought-provoking satirical style with personal experiences to weave a humorous narrative about his relationship with his wife, Baby, while mapping the South African cultural and racial landscape.
The topic of hair is embraced in a chapter titled 'New month. New girlfriend' where Engler looks at how much hair says about black women’s identities.
He even offers readers a policy that includes not touching their hair under any circumstance and approving of it, because she did spend a whole day in the salon after all.
For me, this was the most amusing and light-hearted section of the book that will be appreciated by the reader.
Engler’s book will definitely annoy some people. His generalizations might be irritating at first, but give it a couple of chapters.You’ll get to learn something about Engler and you’ll probably learn a little something about yourself in the process.
Check out the exclusive Grocott’s Mail Online Q&A session with Engler below.
Sarah Cohen: You clearly have a very good idea about identity in South Africa and the social constructs people create around it. Your own story on the unraveling of your relationship with Baby is fascinating. How would you describe your own identity now, after writing the book?
Hagen Engler: I'm starting to think identity is a combination of self-image, which is constantly evolving, and an imposed identity, which we get from the people we interact with. The latter we can do little about, and it evolves slowly. My understanding of my personal identity evolves constantly through interacting with my wife and getting to know her perspective on cultural and gender politics. For instance, my awareness of my own subconscious racism and sense of entitlement has made me check myself and try to change for the better. They say acknowledging you have a problem is the first step to fixing it!
SC: Some people may view your book as highly controversial and perhaps even be insulted at times. Have you experienced this reaction and if yes what do you say to these people?
HE: Someone's response is their own, and I can't tell them it's right or wrong. But still. Some of the few adverse reactions have been either from black people who feel I have no right to comment on black culture. To those I've said my observations are offered in the spirit of trying to reach greater understanding between cultures. Obviously they'll be simplistic and ignorant at times, but they are my sincere opinions. Some white people seem opposed to the very idea of whites marrying blacks and they're not really part of my target market.
SC: What was the purpose behind writing this book? Was it for your own self or a story to be told to a nation and youth that are now creating their own identity now?
HE: A combination of both. While writing, your thought process leads you to insights you might not otherwise have come to, so it is a kind of personal therapy in a way. But generally speaking, we set out to entertain – and inform about the interesting aspects of our relationship where possible. Everyone's identity is unique, but also similar, so with any luck there'll be something in there that a lot of people can take from it.
SC: You mention Grahamstown in your book. What is your experience with the town other than what you've noted in your book?
HE: I was there for four years doing B.Journ in the early Nineties. It was a pretty nefarious stay, and I doubt I am remembered by the Journ and Economics department with any fondness, if at all. That said, some of my classmates have gone on to achieve a fair bit. Toby Shapshak is a magazine publisher, Bruce Whitfield a print and radio journalist and Jason Browne a magazine editor. For myself, the period was spent in a haze of shooting down to Port Alfred to surf compulsively, with a sideline in hedonistic experimentation. You could say I majored in surfing and booze, with filler credits in dagga and sloth.
SC: You talk about all the stereotypes of the white male South African which are thoroughly amusing. Did you ever get the tattoo Baby bought you a R1000 voucher for and what is it?
HE: Ja, i started out trying to refute the cliches, but in the end I was forced to accept that the closest thing I had to a culture was exactly those cliches. Booze, braaiing, rugby, extreme sports and a penchant for tattoos. I did in fact get some chops done with the voucher Baby bought me. A couple of pretty evil icons. One on my forearm that my father once created as a metalwork sculpture and one on my bicep that I got from Credo Mutwa's almost biblical tome of African culture, history and mythology Indaba, My Children. It means "Say nothing, see all". Which I don't even come close to doing, but it's something to aim for.
SC: What does Baby think about your book?
HE: She supports my writing an creative projects (I also do music and spoken word). A lot of them are quite personal. As long as I'm being honest, she's down with it. I made a point of running it by her, since it's about her in a way. She asked me to tweak the odd little thing and she copy edited the Xhosa parts to save me from embarrassing myself. All good so far – I'll let you know when my writing gets me into trouble!
